I've been struggling again with my scrapbooking. Every time I feel like I'm back on track life throws me off . I've thought about taking a break from scrapbooking and blogging as the enjoyment is not there as it use to be. The journey I have been on with my mom and her Alzheimers has been a life changing one for me. I have emotions that I can't label. I feel empty inside. The person that I was last summer when she was first diagnosed is lost and I worry that I may never be found. I am now the parent and my mom is the child. The sweetness is now anger and the memories once so precious in her mind are just about gone. Some days she knows who I am, her daughter, other days I am just the person who helps her out. I'm filled with sadness over her loss and do the best I can each day to take care of her and spend time with her. Today was an especially hard day for me. She lashed out at me in front of people and accused me of things. I know it is her illness that does this, but for me it was the first time she has done this. I know I do the best for her, but wondered what others thought about what she was saying about me. After I left her today I sat in my car and cried, wishing all of this was a bad dream that I could wake up from. I hold onto the special memories I have of her for those memories are of the mom I love. I miss my mom terribly.
Sorry for rambling on, it's just been one of those days. . .